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The Hills : Birthday Party Massacre [Recaps]

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Posted by god 126 days ago (http://feeds.gawker.com)
Category: Celebrity Gossip And News Celebrity Celebrity-Gossip Entertainment celebrities Hollywood Nipple Slip Movies Video Sex Tapes Celebrity Gossip Britney TMZ perez Hollywoodtuna

Heidi Montag can't just have any old birthday party, she has to have an extravaganza in her glass coffin and invite all the dueling princesses to come. Drama ensues. But even more exciting than the party is the preparation.

We got a hold of Heidi Montag's shopping list for supplies her big night. You can't imagine the things this girl ordered.

50 clear plastic cups for drinking wine 2 bags of Cool Ranch Doritos that none of the girls will touch but Brody and his cohorts will eventually throw at each other 40 40s, because Spencer and Brody will both be there, and they can do some serious damage 1 cantaloupe, because Stephanie is still on that strange diet and that is all she eats A tarp to put down in the driveway. That is where Kristin is going to confront Audrina about Justin Bobby, and we don't want any blood on the pavement 2 mops, one for each of the PAs who will have to mop up the blood Don't worry about picking up daggers, Audrina will bring them and shoot them out of her eyes when Kristin tells her that it must hurt "as a woman" that Justin Bobby said he was never together with her 1 pair of rubber gloves, because I don't want cooties when I have to pick up Kristin's chin from the ground after Audrina tells her that she and Justin have been hanging out. 20 tins of Cesar dog food, because it is the most expensive and someone tells me that I'm getting some puppies for my birthday A Karnac hat for Spencer, because he's been predicting the future. First he said that Kristin and Audrina would fight if I invited them both to my party, then he said that our kids would turn out all fucked-up. He's amazing Nametags, because Spencer has a friend Spencer and that is just confusing. Also, are was supposed to call Stacie "the bartender" or "Kristin's Friend?" And why are we still calling Justin Bobby "Audrina's Ex-boyfriend" when he's supposedly dating Kristin 1 athletic cup for Justin Bobby, because Kristin is pissed and coming for his nuts Estrogen for Jayde, even though she's not around, she needs her hormones, and I have a feeling we're going to be seeing her again soon. Spencer told me, and he is like a deck of Tarot cards with blond hair Airplane glue for when Enzo comes over. He and Spencer just love making models together. They are so cute 1 large cage, because if my drunk sister Holly shows up at my party (which she is not invited to!) we are keeping her away from the booze Streamers! 1 whip to go with Justin Bobby's Indiana Jones hat A Justin Bobby to English dictionary so that we will all know what "What's wrong with you. Slow it down. Cruise," means Some Common Sense Shampoo, so that Audrina and Kristin will wash Justin Bobby right out of their hair. First he told Kristin he was never with Audrina, then told Audrina he was never with Kristin and they both fall for that trick. Oh, that reminds me New tricks for Justin Bobby, who treats every girl badly in exactly the same way 3 pregnancy tests to find out whether the "replace my birth control pills with PEZ and hope Spencer doesn't notice" trick worked 12 DiGiorno pizzas for the cameramen, because they get so hungry and light me badly when they're hungry